Having attended my first scientific symposium a few weeks ago and having a less-than-seamless experience, I'd like to share a few tips about symposiums and conferences. If you don't attend these name tag-wearing extravaganzas, maybe you can apply this to any kind of chaotic and energy consuming activity where you are forced to talk to random people. A wedding? A funeral (maybe not so much)? Also please accept my cynical views and just laugh at them. That's what I do.
1. Get ready for the "ice breaker". This is going to be shitty. In my case, we were herded as cows in heels and slacks into a small plot of grass and told to go around with sheets finding someone who had "never broken a bone" or "knows how to play an instrument" and successively checking them off the sheet. What fun. Sometimes we didn't even exchange names in the carnivorous fight to be the first to check everything off the sheet. Did I mention this was in 80 degree LA weather? No big deal right? Well San Francisco likes to refrigerate us at about 55 degrees so this was a shocker. My point here: wear cool clothes and sunglasses and bring some water. That is all.
2. You will be tired because they shuffle you this where and that. The first keynote speech with be long and boring. This is a rule. You will look around the room and see EVERYONE nodding off. The speaker will be going through a series of "stories" about his scientific discoveries and when he says he has ONE MORE story you will fantasize about standing up and saying "actually I think the first two will just about cover it, thanks." The main point comes when they finally release you to retrieve your dinner. If you drink coffee: have some. If you don't normally drink coffee and you pour yourself a cup, think to yourself "what the hell am I doing???!!!!!" and toss it on the person next to you in disgust. I didn't follow this rule, resulting in later catastrophe from caffeine overdose.
3. All the people at these things have one thing on their mind: "I'm hot shit." Why? Because this is probably their first symposium and they're really excited about their research and they are in their mid-20s and haven't escaped the self-involved phase of their life yet. It's OK. Just roll with it. Think about how you are at least more than tepid shit. You are edging up to hot in some ways. You possess hotness somewhere inside (in more ways than one!) Positive thinking will help you deal with all these ivy-league randoms that keep bombarding you with details of all their research.
4. Grab some alone time. Go ahead. Ditch one session and take a nap! I did it. Other people did it the whole time and man did those people have fun in LA.
5. If you muck up an explanation of your research in front of a table full of total strangers (a la Caitlin), curse life for being such a bitch and move on. (And don't hit that coffee again). All in all, you really just aren't that important to these people right now and they won't remember you in a week's time. Score!
6. OK OK. If I must. Try and learn something, people! You're here for a reason. Mine was science! Go nerds! If there's a time and place to be a total geek, it's now! Ask questions and be curious. That's what science is all about after all. There's surely going to be at least one interesting talk (Dr. Charles Craik on his career and study of proteases for the win!)
7. Shed the symposium once you leave. What happens in LA stays in LA. I'm enthusiastically throwing away my name tag right now.
Wow - I've been to a lot of conferences in my time and this is a pretty good summarization overall of everything you need to know to survive. When I was your age, dearie, (do you hear the shaky quaver of the old woman's reedy voice?) I had no idea what a conference really was and didn't go to one until many years later. Well done, especially on the letting go part. Remind me to tell you about the time I did karaoke late at night at a "mixer" during a professional conference in front of hundreds of people. I sang "Hit Me with Your Best Shot" even though I didn't really know the song. Definitely something I should have completely blotted from my memory long ago.
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